It is 2:30 in the morning and I am wide awake. Sometimes I just wake up in the middle of the night and get restless. I pop out of bed energetic and ready to go, but where can I go at 2:30 in the morning. So here I am sitting down at my table with my computer in front of me just thinking. It is cold outside and I think I have the winter blues, really I am just restless.

Usually when this happens I start thinking about all the beautiful people that are a part of my life, especially my daughter and son. My daughter is in her early thirties and my son in his late twenties. They are both grown with their own lives and each live about an hour and a half from me. My favorite days are when I get to spend time in person with one of them and the best is when I get to see both of them at the same time. The holidays just passed and it was lovely because I got to do just that, spend time with both of them. After they leave, I miss them terribly. I talk to them on the phone, but it just isn’t the same as being with them.

Life is strange as you get older. Your children grow and have their own lives. You find yourself having to redefine yourself. I think I have been wrestling with this lately and I am not sure what to do with myself some days. Last year I spent some time making my apartment feel more like a home. A few years back I had lost everything in a hurricane and my home felt a little sad to me. I took some time to find some artwork that I loved and now I am quite comfortable with my home surroundings. Now I need to find a new purpose or two to find new joy. The problem is I can’t figure out what that means.

I guess I am embarking on a new journey. I am just trying to figure out what steps I need to take to move it forward. Last night I got home and one of my neighbors was sitting in the lobby where I live. I visited with her for awhile and then headed up to my apartment to make dinner. I know I like to cook and have people over so I need to start inviting people over. I love to exercise and haven’t really been doing it lately so I need to commit to getting back to it. I also need a creative outlet so perhaps it is this blog.

All I know is that it is 2:30 in the morning and I am restless. I know that when this happens it is time to get up and enjoy this amazing gift of life. Restless or not I have a new day in front of me and I need to make the most of it.